Day Thirteen

Head honchos at some of the most prestigious culinary schools in America think the Head of Everything is an idiot. "Zhey looked hat me az zhough I add lhost my mhind." He brought his fist to his chin and stared over our heads at the wall behind us. After about a minute of thinking, he proclaimed, "I do nhot care. I will teech my students ow to bootchair unteel I ham too old to muve my harms."

Butchering is a dying, if not dead art - no pun intended. In the 80's culinary schools began phasing butchering class out of curricula because purchasing pre-butchered cuts in restaurants was all the rage. Chefs and industry peeps thought this new convenience would replace ordering primal meat forever. They were wrong. The state of our economy has put those folks, who include the Heads of Seriously Prestigious Culinary Schools across the country, in a big predicament. Right now, most great restaurants will only hire new chefs who can butcher. Struggling owners have discovered it more economical to buy, for instance, a whole lamb for $4 per pound vs. a rack of lamb for $22 per pound. Many restaurants can not take advantage of these prices until they employ an in-house butcher. Most US schools, at this very moment, are unable to teach butchering as they don't employ instructors who can teach it.

Thanks to the traditional, hard-core nature of the Head of Everything, I will graduate with this ancient skill in my arsenal and be an asset to any unthriving restaurant. Yip de do.

We learn to butcher once a week when the Head of Everything personally delivers a fabu lecture, from a textbook he has written but refuses to publish. Besides having an opportunity to learn from this guru, it is beautiful to watch him work. His movements are strong yet graceful and his demeanor is polished while bucolic.

The meat inspection and grading system in the United States is very, very good. No animal can be slaughtered, anywhere, without an inspector on site for the entire process. There are seven grades of meat (for beef, lamb and veal) and purchasing any of the top three grades is acceptable. The seven grades are:

(1) Prime (You get this at a high, high end steakhouses)
(2) Choice (Within Choice, there is a separate grading system. "Top Choice," meat is generally served at high end restaurants and good mom and pop steakhouses.)
(3) Select (Most of the meat in your chain supermarkets is Select. Totally acceptable and often delicious to eat.)
(4)&(5) Commercial and Utility (We enter the Danger Zone. Stuff used at fast food joints and in TV dinners.)
(5)&(6) Cutter and Canner (This is used for dog food).

The grading is completely subjective and at the discretion of the inspector. Surprisingly, the grading is very consistent and therefore very reliable.

The Head of Everything provided two bits of disappointing meat purchasing advice.1) "Nehvhur bye meet on zhale." Shoot. I only buy meat on sale. 2)"Nehvhur bye ekstrah meet with the intenshun of frheezing it for latur yoose. Shit. I will further clarify my meat buying mantra: I only buy lots and lots of meat on sale intending to freeze it for use in weeks to come.

I'll just have to add full price meat to the lengthening list of expenses I must endure in order to do dinner right. I'll tell you all about my recent trip to Sur La Table, "Culinary Shopper Extrodinaire Strikes Again," another time. The guy helping me began rolling his eyes after my signature inquiry, "Does this come in pink?"